People the length and breadth of Facebook must have been wondering what happened to me last week given that I had seemingly been neglecting my duties re posting my usual quota of drivel .Fear not for for the 21 st century Bard is back with a bang .What happened was the result of a contretemp between my left foot and the RJ11 cable that connects my modem to the main telephone socket on the wall.
You see, it was half time during the match between England the all Blacks so I thought I would add my usual penny's worth on FB when I suddenly became aware the second half was about to start so I arose abruptly from my leather clad swivel chair made and designed by the famous Sergei Yodblov the ex ballet dancer from Belorussia and now designer of a range of goods for domestic use.
Just to digress somewhat,I should add that poor old Sergei felt inclined to change his career because his father Andrei ,who at that time was the Charges d'Affairs at the Soviet embassy in Ulan Bator, disapproved of his dancing activities because he felt he might be tempted to become a player of the pink oboe. Sergei is not one to go against his father wishes so he changed his career and now designs furniture ,clothing toiletries and ,even, toilet paper.
Anyway back to my little incident.I became instantly aware that something was not right when I yanked my left foot abruptly as I arose and the arising had the effect of pulling said cable away from its connection on the wall socket whilst sending the modem clattering along the floor .Need less to say all connection was lost , both phone and broadband so in an apploplectic rage I phoned TalkTalks technical dept .The exercise wasnt a complete waste of time but it might as well have been because I got through to someone working in a call centre in Manila who despite the fact I had told him what had happened ,insisted on putting me through a completely pointless process whereby I made different connections to different wall sockets(we have four all told) using two different phones (we have two).Nothing different there so he told he would get the engineers to check the connections outside in wherever land and that sopneopne would phone me the next day for a progress report .
Next day came and the progress report was “all connections outside are fine tson he fault must be in your home.” ( 'I already told you that, you muppet') “as the fault was clearly yours ,there will be £50 charge and the engineer will not come until friday ( 'thats 6 days away, thanks for the shitty service' ) 
Friday morning arrived (“he will be there between 7-9 am”) and engineer arrived at 9.30 .He then spent all of 5 minutes changing a cable, drinking a cup of tea and telling me that if I had been with BT, it would have cost me £150 thus further cementing my belief that privitisation has been collosal rip off.What really irked me is the fact Muppet from Manila put me though a pointless process when all he need have done was to suggest I check the RJ11cable for any breakages and then I could have bought one the very next day at Currys for all of £9.Maybe I should have done that anyway but at the time had no idea what the cable was called .
Rant over