What happened to soap

There was a time when not so long ago bars of soap were common place, those 4 inch white ,pink or yellow slabs that sat beside ones taps in the bathroom , albeit sometimes rather messily .They were used to wash our body parts , including hair . They were even, at times, used to wash our dogs in the bath with, that is before shampoo appeared on the scene.Wonderful stuff shampoo , basically its just detergent or washing up liquid with scent added and given a particular generic name ie shampoo.At first there was just one type but them some bright spark decided to make it gender specific so we had his and hers shampoo.Then they decided that dandruff was a problem so they created a particular variety which did sod all to get rid of dandruff but they didn't tell the public that.

One day another bright spark decided to add certain ingredients such as jojoba and aloe vera on the premise they are some kind of natural healthcare product which would do wonders for peoples hair .Most people had no idea what jojoba was but it just sounded right so sales shot up.

Likewise whilst they knew aloe vera as that succulent indoor plant that sits on a window sill, they had been sufficiently primed about "its incredible health giving properties"so again sales shot up.It just goes to show if you tell a lie often enough and in the right way you can easily deceive the gullible . 

But why stop there? Lets add some mango, banana and avocado in the mix too, surely all natural products which would improve our hair tenfold.Now I have an ongoing question .Who is responsible for this crap? Could it be the Body Shop? For it is they who first pioneered the idea of chucking organic crap found in jungles and deserts into cosmetics and which might tie us back to our hunter gatherer roots.It was brilliant strategy which worked wonders for their business model.The founders(Rodicks) became very successful and when they finally realised the concept was running out of steam they sold the business off

Now the shampoo industry is not known for missing a opportunity or, as they call it , a market so they decided to diversify further with intention of finally seeing the end of good old honest soap. First we had hand washes in plastic containers , then shower gels to wash ones body ,but not the hair for that was still the preserve of honey flavoured ,aloe vera and henna infused shampoos. 

Then some wag decided to create face wash because faces are different to bodies, you see.They have mouths, noses and eyes therefore require very specific types of , err , detergents.One thing under no circumstances should a man use face wash for his hands otherwise hewill incur the wrath of 'er indoors.Face washes are VERY specific and you must NOT use it to wash your private parts either.

Finally there is another body wash I once experienced, a gritty variety. Its almost as though someone decided to tip a load of sand into it ,the idea being that it would act like a sort of liquid sandpaper and presumably rid our bodies of all the nasty detritus accumulated over a day.Beats a loofah I guess.I used it once on my hair without realising what it was. Never again as it finally rammed home the whole idiocy the shampoo liquid soap industry is.

Life was so much simple when humble soap and plain cheap as chips shampoo was all we needed to keep ourselves clean.
Mind you soap has made a bit a comeback because some clever clogs decided to create a sort of retro variety which is cut off a board and sold in sections rather like cheese once was.Either that or sold in rustic looking balls and things that look vaguely edible. Niche concepts do work which is why Lush is also successful .You pay a premium mind which is why I avoid it another is because their retail outlets stink to high heaven,like the very worst over applied aftershave.

Once again i have been conned by a smiling young lady .Well not exactly conned as she works for the RSPCA ,trying to raise funds and one could see from her delivery that she had been on some sort of course designed to persuade the softheaded .The smile was so obviously manufactured and was accompanied by very contracted pupils, which are the true message conveyors, but i was sort of beguiled .Her smile has cost me £120 for the year but i have to believe its a good cause and the fact i like cats and dogs ,rather speaks for itself .Still her manufactured smile bothered me and like the greasy salesman from the used car garage, she delivered her patter with relentless conviction.Because her delivery was so obviously manufactured I wanted to get rid of her but at the same time the same smile had me trapped so I went along with her objective, besides I like pets.Nell never seems to be around when i need her and that smile was doing my head in
I felt inclined to take the mickey but she was a Swede and i do have sympathy for foreign nationals trying to earn a buck in this country., so instead, I told her about the Normans because we live in Normandy lane.Was she interested ?I doubt it. She has an English beau so I suggested she ask him who they were ,like descended from Vikings i.e. fellow Swedes.Beau, though, is a business analyst so small historical facts are hardly likely to be of interest to him.Then I showed her are our garden but her reactions was, shall we say, rather brief i.e. "yes very nice".

I can just sense my dear wife doing her nut but this Swede had RSPCA printed on her in big letters plus she had a card and the resulting paperwork is obviously genuine , so no fear of a con but i feel conned nonetheless.Why??? Maybe its because I like to make my own choices without feeling pressured in anyway.I like to feel the power is with me and I have not been coerced .These charities are clever because they play on your conscience and give you no opportunity to give things another thought .Time is not on your side ,you decide there and then and smiling Swede knows how to play the game to a T.
I decided to take things to the more inane and away from the business end . Why, I asked her, did she die her hair auburn if she is a natural blonde.?It made no sense.I mean Swede = blonde, right? Or am i stereotyping?
Anyway i found it difficult to indulge in small talk other than 'are you living here because the beer is a lot cheaper?' "No my boyfriend is English", was her curt reply.She does curt very well and always with that smile.Small talk wasnt exactly brill on my side either.She asked politely ,as one would expect from a disinterested salesperson-"what are you doing this weekend?"
'Err ,working all day tomorrow and sunday my wife and I will decide.No we are not going to any rip roaring club and will probably sit in our garden supping a few vinos. Are you really that interested or am i being neurotically defensive?' Maybe I should have said we would be going to a transvestites annual jamboree where Nell and I would be switching roles, but somehow I didnt feel she would be shocked .

Her smile was like a weapon designed to beguile but her eyes wore a steady determination which seemed to run counter to her smile.