There comes a time in ones life when one has to take stock and make the kind of decision most of us would rather not do, if only because it reflects one unending truth about life i.e. we get older , slower, less agile and less assured about ones capabilities,I say this because I recently completed a task which in hindsight I should probably have left alone given all the above and that I didn't have the kind equipment that would have rendered the task quite straightforward .By that, I mean a mobile platform and a motorized pole cutter to compliment my existing hedge cutters.

The task in question involved the heavy trimming of a massively overgrown Leylandii hedge which was all of 15 ft high by 10 ft wide across the top.The length itself was not an issue but the greenhouse which butted against it was.Such hedges at the very least should be trimmed once year but Mr W, its owner, decided to let it grow for two which meant that the branches standing proudly at the top which needed cutting, were, in several cases, at least 1 inch in diameter.

When I first looked at the hedge my mind was still at the 30-year-old stage and I saw it as a challenge.When I finally finished cutting the bloody thing I quickly came to the conclusion that my body was no longer at that stage of my life.By that time, I was trying to work out what words to use to MR W which might be a politer version of "from now on you can stick your hedge up your arse "

A regular extending ladder was never going be enough especially with that ferking glasshouse in the way so I bought some stabilisers which I attached to it thus transforming it into a de facto very tall step ladder.Fine, except the stabiliser plus ladder, was extremely fiddly and time-consuming to use.The words "boludo, me cago en la puta que lo pario" and whatever English variants I could think of, gushed out of my mouth with complete alacrity.

As time went on I came to the decision that such a ladder was never going to be enough.Fine around the greenhouse provided I took my time and was extra careful, but the rest of the hedge was going to need something a lot more robust i.e. a 12 high double width scaffold tower,(about half the height of thishttp://www.laddersandscaffoldtowers.co.uk/acatalog/Industrial-Scaffold-Towers.html).

I thought assembling it would be a piece of piss and that I could complete the whole job last Friday.WRONG! .I asked the delivery bloke if it was quite straightforward.He gave me a rueful look, took a breath of air and proceeded to explain what to do ending with a "once you have done it once just normally quite simple but I would rather you gave me a ring if you find yourself struggling with it because there is a knack to getting the higher level on top of each other" 

'Nice chap' I thought, but the 30-year-old brain was having none of that.I was going to get that contraption assembled on my own no matter what.Fortunately, I had a step ladder to help me on my endeavours although it still meant raising the side sections to head height but at least.Then the 9 foot long boards, all four of them and as I went so the side poles slotted in.By the time i finished my 62 year old body kicked in and I was totally fooked.No more work for me that day, I decided.

Next day, I roped Nelly in to give us a hand.She were proper good she were, raking all the cuttings, disposing of them and helping me drag the tower along and around the hedge as and when required.For cutting purposes, I used a regular hedge cutter, a long handled hedge cutter, a pair of loppers and a long-handled lopper. All told we spent a good 5-6 hours, at the end of which the end result looked pretty good.Then the dismantling.'Fuck it', I thought, 'I'll do that tomorrow'.That didn't take too long, but it was almost as arduous as assembling it due to the weight and my paranoid fear of dropping a section somewhere unwanted such as a greenhouse.